stringing popcorn is harder than you'd think

Is anyone else's head spinning from the whirlwind of time that just swept by these past weeks? Somewhat sadly I am finding time slipping faster and faster through my fingers, and have few things left in my hands to show for it.  Good news is, the weeks leading into December have found our home decorated in a fabulously Christmassy manner and bare trees that stood like  wiry, silhouetted giants against the SNOW we experienced Thanksgiving week. Snow.

 (If you wanna make a fun and fabulous wreath, you too can follow these easy steps found here!)

Holiday joy aside, I have found myself thinking critically of what I am really doing with my life and the precious time I have been blessed with. A question that has floated into my head lately is, "How long have I been so self-centered?"  Every time I find myself stressed or worried (which is bad enough) it seems to always be about myself (which is worse).  While I believe it's important to assess our lives and behaviors and choices, there is a line that gets crossed into the world of selfishness and conceit.  I think with the nearing Christmas holiday approaching, this idea has pressed on me even more.  The renowned season for giving has made me feel convicted of my lacking. I realized the other day that for the three months I have been in Seattle, I have been proactive for no cause other than my own.  I think back to pre-move, and all the ideas that danced in my head about the opportunities awaiting me here and all the plans God had in store for me.  I know He still has those plans.  I know there are plenty of opportunities. But I have taken none.  I have sought out nothing.  


Make-a-Goal Monday...Goal:  Seek out an opportunity to serve, give, and bless others.  


Elise and I met a very nice girl at a coffee/chocolate shop the other day (yes, such a heavenly place exists.) When we noticed she was knitting a scarf, our inquiries led to a conversation where we learned of a knitting group she started for a good cause.  This weekend, we are donating hand-made scarves to a woman's shelter.  I love this idea and this girl for her generous idea.  It made me think -- I know there are SO many creative and loving people in this blog world...together, we could impact so many people's lives by participating in something resembling this cause! If you feel inspired, I encourage you to also hand-make or donate old scarves (or any clothes) that you no longer wear! There are so many people in need all over the world, and I think we can all make a big difference!


I hope you all are having a great Monday, friends!

maybe i'll just start something new

[disclaimer: This post is quite lengthy, so feel no obligation to read it. However, if you choose to read this post, you will get a little insight into my heart and some lessons I have learned as of late...]

If you have been around my blog for any amount of time whatsoever, you know that I have recently made a big move across the country to a new state, a new climate, a new home, a new everything.  I may not have really stressed the point before, but that is a big deal in my life and personal journey. I have never done anything so extreme in my life, and the fact that I am even here right now, four weeks into my new northwest existence, is still mind boggling to me.  Perhaps such a move is no big deal to some of my more adventurous readers, but a change of such drastic proportions is so far out of my comfort box that it is almost out of my sight. I am on a hill far above my little box that is sitting snuggly in the valley, and I must use binoculars to see it.  Sometimes I want to lay down at the top of the hill and let myself roll down it, tumbling into the security of all I know to be familiar and safe, into the valley, out of sight. But here I am at the top, feeling exposed and vulnerable. 


If you have known me for a while, you will be aware of the fact that throughout my life, I have often been plagued with severe insecurity and doubts of self-worth.  Forever I have battled lies that have told me I am alone, ugly, stupid, unworthy, invaluable, and most unsettling-- unloveable. I have believed time and time again that I am a failure. I have believed that I am all alone. I have believed that I could never be worthy of respect and adoration.  While intellectually I am aware that these are blatant, sick, and horrible lies, my heart has often felt broken over these poisonous untruths, these evil daggers that have punctured my fragile self-esteem.  Over the past two years, I have received healing that has broken down walls that had been built in my soul in attempt to keep out the hurt.  I met and responded to the love of some incredible individuals and of God, and in turn grew into a stronger, wiser, and more confident young woman.  Two years ago, I would have cowered at the mere thought of moving 1000+ miles away from home.  I would have laughed at the smallest suggestion, shaking my head "no" vigorously.  There was no possible way I could have ever imagined it then.  So, to know that I am here now, at this point in my life, willing to face the unexpected, is a small miracle.  Incredibly terrifying, but amazing all the same.  


However, I have realized something in these past four weeks.  I have grasped the fact that I am on that hill, exposed and vulberable. And I feel it.  It is only within the last week or so that I have really begun to understand what is going on. I know why I freak out extra bad when I get lost on the road or fail at parallel parking.  I know now why I am feeling worse than usual about my body. I see now why I am having a difficult time being content in being single. I get it now why I fell into an emotional, tearful breakdown after my job interview when I felt just a little stupid.  My move, my being in a new place, my starting a new chapter, has left me feeling like the old me-- incredibly insecure. Insecure.  I am not in my same "safe" surroundings that I was back in Phoenix.  I am not surrounded by all my friends (although I know they are just a phone-call away, and although I have my amazing roommate/best friend -- love you all!)  I don't know my way around. I don't know people here. I am the new girl.  And I have become incredibly self-concious, letting some of those same old, gross lies creep back into my ears, seeping into my mind, invading my heart.   That clears up a lot.  I see it now.  


But I have also seen a few other things.  In my anxiousness to find peace and love and acceptance, I have forgotten my resposibility to being the vessel for those same exact things.  I have gotten so wrapped up in my own self that I have put some really important things on the back burner.  I just have to ask, how am I supposed to ever experience love and joy if I don't first pour out love and joy? How am I supposed to feel accepted if I don't first accept others? How am I supposed to feel support and encouragement when I am not even reaching out?  Instead of being to focused on myself, my attentions need to be shifted, my priorities refocused.  I have so much love in me.  And not my own love to give, but the love of God that has been given to me.  I have been shown remarkable grace and instead of shining the light of such glory, I have been hiding it, stifling it, keeping it to myself without even really accpeting it.  I don't want to be inherently selfish anymore, nor needy, impatient, unmerciful, unloving.  Instead, I want to be selfless, giving, patient, merciful, and overflowing with love.  I want to share it with those close to me, and those who are merely strangers.  I want to pour it into those who deserve it and those who don't, both those who are easy to love, and difficult.  I don't want to be self-absorbed anymore, whether it be negative thoughts or not.  Even self-deprication is rather self-absorbed.  
I have the desire to be the best of all that I can be and am; roommate, friend, daughter, employee, neighbor, driver, stranger passing on the street..everything.  I will not and cannot be perfect, but I want to give it my all. I want to be a shining light on the top of that hill. 

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket, but rather on a lampstand, and it gives light for all who are in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16

Plug: One example of a great way to pour out love on others is a little mission called Love Bomb.  Every week, you're sent an email with a mission to give some loving words of encouragement to an individual in need of it.  Check it out! It is Love Bomb thursday today, and you can go here to visit this weeks recipient. 


Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you did.  Friends, I love you.  To those who I know personally, who are in Phoenix, I miss you; I think of you daily.  To those friends that make up this wonderful blogging world, you encourage and inspire me.  Love you all. 

this ain't no mrs. norris

I love my kittybaby.

My kitty loves Harry Potter.

I love Harry Potter.

my kittypumpkin + Harry Potter = my heart bursting at the seams.

poetry soothes and emboldens the soul

I am happy ecstatic to say that I recently acquired a copy of the most beautiful movie I've ever seen, Bright Star.  This event has inspired me to spend every moment that I am in my car listening to the soundtrack with it's blissful, ethereal notes capable of making your heart melt with contentment and sorrow all at once.

John Keats: "I found your fairy princess on the wall in my bedroom."
Fanny: "You could make her out?"
John Keats: "She wears a butterfly frock."

I want pretty characters on my walls, too.
Please take a look at this Etsy treasure shop; I am in love with it.

p.s. Good news-- this is my 100th post! I made it this far...

all i could say was "hello"

An Affair to Remember - 1957

Such a beautiful movie.

make-a-goal monday; thrifty edition!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I love thrift shopping. You can always find the most wonderful things that are always kind of special...plus if you're like me, it's excellent exercise walking vigorously down those aisles to find the best sales.

Recently, my pretty friend Sam and I took a visit to our local Goodwill. 

Her mission: To find a chair that could later be reupholstered.

My mission: Well...to just kind of wander around. (And hope I'd find something that was outrageously cheap and fabulous, begging me to take it home).

Sam had amazing luck, and though I don't have a picture to show, trust me when I say her $10 wing back chair will be absolutely perfect for a reading corner once it is given a make-over! Did I mention it was only $10?

But the luck didn't stop there.  As I was wandering the disheveled aisles, searching for a hidden treasure, my eyes locked on this little beauty:

 Sea-foam green, this gorgeous vintage type-writer and I fell in love at first sight. It has been a dream of mine to one day own a type-writer...and now, $15 later...I do!

When I got home, I looked it up immediately and discovered that the Hermes 3000 portable typewriter is a product of the 1950s and would cost me a whopping $500 to buy on the internet! Say whaaaaaaaaat. I couldn't believe it. I am so so excited about my little prize. I think I need to name her, next. Any suggestions?

So to be clear, I'll have you know that the above post has absolutely no relevance to this weeks goal whatsoever. I just really really wanted to share my exciting news :]

BUT. On to goal time.

I have been stifling my creativity lately.  Besides painting that little mirror, I have been so lazy and feeling to blah because of it. 
Goal:make something pretty. or, if not pretty, at least have fun following some inspiration this week. ok.

Again, having no relevance at all to anything I have yet written, I'd like to end this post with two words: Johnny Flynn.

I think I might be a little bit really in love with this man and his poetic brilliance.  (Ok fine, that was more than two words. This is worth it, though, I promise.) Incidentally, his new album is released today! (I found out this exciting news only yesterday from the always enchanting Kim at Magpie Eyes :] Thanks Kim for this enthralling piece of information!)

(if you're impatient, or in a hurry, the actual song starts about two minutes in)

Johnny Flynn - THE BOX from HECHO EN CINE on Vimeo.

Have a great Monday!

follow you

Today, I am choosing to receive God's love for me.  He is so much bigger than we can even imagine; He is infinite. And He loves me. May I glorify Him today, and every day...

The following are a few quick words that kind of pin down where my heart is...I was inspired by the Leeland song "Follow You."

I'll follow You into the streets of the abandoned

I'll give to You the darkness where I'm shamed

I'll follow You, leave my ways stained and bended

I'll give it up to the Love that heals all pain

And where You go, I surely will not tarry 

To follow You with Your offers foremost

My flesh I shed, throw to the grave, and bury

I'll follow you and drink Your love and hope.

sleepless in seattle

"Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance...nothing could seperate them because they knew. It was right. It was real."

Magic.

I really, really love this movie.

I look out the window, The birds are composing

Not a note is out of tune, Or out of place

I look at the meadow, and stare at the flowers

Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day.

.

So why do I worry?

Why do I freak out?

God knows what I need

You know what I need

Your love is strong.

midnight ponderings

I don't know why this happens, but many times when I'm up late, my mind starts going a million miles an hour.  It's as if when my body is winding down, my mind steals the fuel and runs off at a whole new speed.  Sometimes it takes me forever to fall asleep, or even be motivated to go to bed, despite being exhausted. Not always-- in fact I am quite the granny in that I love going to bed and waking up early-- but certain nights, like tonight, I just have to stay up and think.  So here I am.

At this time in my life, I am in the midst of some really big decisions, some personal trials, some family grief, and other life matters. I don't think this is bad; it is a part of life on this earth, and no person is exempt from them.  I mean, it's hard, really really difficult sometimes...but we learn and grow from these processes.  I will not get into details now, but rather focus on this train of thought that has been gnawing at me...

Does it occur to anyone else that there seems to be a constant, inherent struggle between who we are and who the world tells us to be? And furthermore, between who we are and who we want to be? 

I believe that at one time or another, most people have felt this battle within themselves. I think this issue is found among people of all ages and backgrounds.  We are on the constant pursuit to find acceptance and validation; but at what cost?

We (and when I say we, I most definitely also mean "I") are at times prisoners to this world and the mindset that we need to be a certain way to be respected, admired, and loved.  It is then easy to focus on and expend  all our time, energy, and heart on the mundane, rather than the things that create a lasting positive impact.  It is easy to then focus on what will lift us up in the eyes of others, rather than what we can do to lift up others.  It is then easy to focus on the control we want to exert, rather than the humbling of our will and spirit.  It is really, really easy, to be thrown off track, and to lose ourselves.

I will keep this short tonight, although I believe it is a subject that deserves much time and thought.  So I implore you to do just that-- think about it.  I know I certainly need to.  Who is the woman I was created to be, what characteristics would I display; what would that look like? Where do I put my trust and faith? Do I live to fulfill the expectations others put on me, or for the glory of God and the perfect plan He has for me?

When I am facing the trials and tribulations of this life, big or small, I need to be ready to stand firm, and know the answers to some of these questions.  I don't have to have all the answers to everything now; but I need to be intentionally seeking those answers out. Even in the midst of my daily life, I need to know. And as for the personal... if I want love and acceptance (which of course I do!), then I must first love and accept; if I want respect, then I must give it; if I want to learn and grow, then I must relent the control I am constantly trying to enforce. Be the kind of person that you would want to know.

I think that gets out a great deal of my thinking for tonight, and it is definitely past my bed time.  If you read through this, I hope it made sense...and thanks for reading. I just think it's important to step back and evaluate sometimes, you know? Maybe I can get to bed now...I hope you all have a wonderful night!

Your love never fails...

You make all things work together for my good.