over there!

hello! as i said i would do, i am here to tell you where you can follow me if you wish. my new blog home is here:

The Dapper Doe

if you feel inclined, i would love to have you join me, because i like you guys a LOT. but that's okay if you don't too. i guess i am saying that, whether i see you over there, or we go our separate ways, i just want you to know how special you've all made it here. everyone i have met here has been wonderful and i am so thankful for you all.

love, kalie

why i'm moving on

i started this blog about five years ago; back before i knew anything about blogs and when i thought i would be the only one to ever see it. this blog, like me, has been through many changes. it has grown and evolved and has been a big part of me. my life has been richer, fuller, since joining the blog world. i have met and befriended so many wonderful, beautiful people from all over the world.

however, the time has come for me to let go and start over. i will cherish this little corner of the internet as a place where i have learned and expressed so much. but it is time for me to move on and begin a new journey. "rejoicing in the hands" (one known as "hope is the thing with feathers") will always be here, but friends - if you so wish, i would love for you to come with me while i begin something new.

i am thankful for you all.

love,

kalie

p.s. a link to my new home will be coming shortly!

this.

yes.









happy friday, friends near and far.

thought to take with you: "a thing of beauty is a joy forever." - john keats.

make a beautiful memory; a project, adventure, rest and peace, quality time with a loved one. the beautiful moments that sprinkle our lives create a joy that never ceases. we can remember them always with fondness.

why this year might be different

i have been sitting here for about twenty-five minutes, not really knowing where and how to begin. last night, my head was reeling with ideas. i felt so inspired. and while still inspired, i am a little overwhelmed. and that is why i am in the middle of a crowded coffee shop with the leftover crumbs of a bagel all over my lap, staring at a blank screen.

folks, the year two-thousand-thirteen is upon us. i know this is the time when most people tend to reflect on the past year, rating is as a whole, making resolutions and goals and promises and hopes for the next. it is cliche, and yet kind of magical. we don't get restart buttons in life, but there is an understanding amongst humans that, you know, life is kind of hard and complicated sometimes, as well as good, but hard. and if the start of a new year is what it takes to get people contemplative and gracious and motivated and impassioned, then by golly i love it.

last night, i went out. for a little bit. with a few friends. we dressed up and went to a pub and ate food and drank some cider and talked. and then i went home at ten o'clock to my cats because i was really really tired, and fell asleep on the couch at eleven. but that is not the point. what i am trying to say is this: it was a really nice evening. at dinner, we talked about our hopes and goals for the new year.  one person at the table posed a really interesting question: what do we hope for the new year - new experiences or learning new things?

well, can i want both? i don't think they are mutually exclusive, but it is an interesting way to look at life: how much do i value new experiences? what about knowledge? what do i want to do, or what do i want to learn? and then that makes me think about all the things i have yet to experience, and all the things i don't know. one year will not cover it all - a lifetime could not cover it all - but how motivating is that!? 

thinking back to the beginning of two-thousand-twelve, it seems really long ago. i mean, it went by quickly and all, but also not. it wasn't just one year ago, but years and years and miles and worlds away. i am not all together different, but yet completely different. i had high hopes, but also i was pretty hopeless. maybe that doesn't make sense to anyone else, but if you have ever felt that way, then you know what i mean. it does make sense, in a way. because that's just how it is. i have never talked about this on my blog, or much in any public way at all, but for the past couple years i have been dealing with some heavy depression. i don't really know where it came from; it was like a snowy blanket that drifted down little by little and quietly settled all around me. this past year has been a discovery year. it was a learning year. but all that learning has been an experience, too.  it wasn't what i imagined for myself, and it was certainly unexpected. but that, i think, is how a lot of things happen, so i should just get used to that. i already kind of am. used to it, i mean.

a friend asked me last night what my biggest hope for the new year is. i told her that my biggest hope is for peace. i would really like to rest in some peace, this year. i battled everything last year. i battled my beliefs, my faith, my relationships, my sense of self. i battled my sickness. i battled getting well. i battled truth. i don't want to battle anymore. not those things. i will fight for goodness and truth and love. but everything else i really need to let go. i need some peace. that is my hope. that is my goal. it is what i want to experience and learn. it is what i want to savour.

at the beginning of this new year, i don't feel hopeless. i may have some lingering doubts, but i am not giving into them. i have hopes for lots of new learning. and lots and lots of new experiences. i want adventure. i want quiet. i want to rest in the peace and love only my sweet jesus can give. i want to pour out unto others that peace and love. i don't want to let wonderous opportunities slip away. i don't want to let myself slip away.

so here's to a new year. happy new year, friends.

" so many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. the very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. the joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." - christopher mccandless

why my head was in a wendy's parking lot this morning.

i tend to be a sentimental person, generally. also, a daydreamer. those tendencies combined sometimes force me to exert a great amount of effort to stay focused on one particular thing or thought for a very long time. so if i don't, then my train of thinking will lead me to far away places in space and time and then i am left remembering, reminiscing, or dwelling over something - real or imagined - that is very obscurely, if even, related to my present.

this morning, my thought train dropped me off at the year 2007 in a wendy's parking lot.

with me were my two best friends, kelly and sam. we had dubbed ourselves the 'tres twigs' for really weird and wonderful reasons, and we loved each other so much (we still do). it was, obviously, one of our girls' nights. sitting in the car of the wendy's, we stuffed our faces with french fries, blasting 'irreplaceable' and talking about boys - stupid stupid boys boys boys. and, i am sure, other intellectual things.

because the thing is, one or more of us (i don't remember which) had been hurt or angered by some boy (i don't remember who) and it doesn't even matter now which one of us it was because if one of us was hurt or sad or angry, then we were ALL hurt or sad or angry. that's just how it was. and clearly, the remedy called for food, beyonce, and girl time. i think it's safe to say that that is always a good go-to remedy, amiright.  and now, all i remember from that night was how much fun it really was. how good for our hearts it was. how precious our time together was. how fabulous beyonce is all the time.

it's funny, because i don't know why that memory occurred to me this morning. while working. with a toddler. at the zoo. why this thought should come into my brain makes no sense. but it did all the same, and isn't it always nice to remember good things?

but it got me thinking about more (see? thought train. all-aboard, twenty-four seven). and the thought is this: sometimes the really really simple and sweet things that i knew as a kid were not too far of a stretch from the truth and goodness i still need in my life. as i get older - and i expect this is true for others as well, but for the sake of this post i will just speak as it pertains to myself - i complicate everything and bury things deeper just so i have to dig them out again, therefore feeling like i have done more work to get the end result. does that make sense?

i'll put it this way. maybe, in those moments when i am hurting or grieving or fuming or even just lonely, what i need is a wendy's parking lot with people who love me. you know, figuratively. or, you know what actually, literally. but the point is that maybe i don't need to feel so lost sometimes. maybe there's a part of me - of us all - that isn't easily labeled child or adult. maybe that's not how things are meant to be. i think that we are supposed to learn a lot of things, like how to be responsible, and how to spend money wisely, and how to get an oil change within an appropriate amount of time, and how to handle conflict, and how to treat other people well, and how to love and live generously and kindly, and how to grocery shop for meals not in the freezer section of the store, and other stuff like that. that is the hope for us, anyway. but maybe, just maybe, there is a part of us that is in a middle place, or perhaps it isn't the middle of anything at all but rather above all of life's concerns and rules and expectations and lies. and in that place is an inherent truth and wonder that is apart of us, that is simple yet profound. we don't need to add complexity to an already complex and confusing world.

golden. didn't think i was going to find this, but i am pretty much totally positive this was from that night. 

kelly, me, sam. tres twigs forever.