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Sunday, June 13


if she could have one thing right at that moment, her choice would undoubtedly be a pillow pressed against her open mouth where her piercing scream could flood and be caught in it's cotton weave, rather than her poor throat where the tension had taken to choking her. yes, a pillow; and it would become all-knowing, catching every truth that she wanted no one else to hear; (they don't get the screams, they only get the whispers.) in that scream will fly out the trapped horrors within, the fiends tearing the gentle fabric of her being; (she is a nice girl. everyone knows that.) like a wet towel being wrung out, she will drain herself of every pressed smile, every feeling of doubt, every bruising glance and word, every pent-up monster that had no escape; until that pillow.

Random and kind of dark, I know. This is the kind of writing that is produced on a bad day. But really this could be anyone-- anyone who has ever felt trapped, anyone who has ever felt misunderstood, anyone who has ever just...had a bad day. It means a lot of things, I guess.  This is the epitome of the old me, the girl who struggled to keep everything inside, the girl who always felt alone, who could never fully be myself.  Now, I am not that girl; some days she visits me, and I forget that I'm not her. But mostly, she stays far away and I like it that way; I remember that I am a new person-- literally; a new person in Christ. He has saved me, renewed me. I am never alone, even especially on the bad, scream-into-your-pillow days.

13 comments:

  1. Kalie, i mean this so genuinely- this is incredible. I love it, like i said about your last masterpiece it echoes me. I'm all gloomy and i'm totally enraptured my these beautiful words. Maybe one day i'll look at this version of me, like you do.

    I love this " her piercing scream could flood and be caught in it's cotton weave,"- genius,

    Thank you for being amazing and so kind, you make my day. x.x.

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  2. Such beautiful and haunting words that I'm sure everyone can relate to, either through themselves or a loved one.
    Its a gift to share your faith with people in such a real way like you do.

    xxx

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  3. Beautiful my friend! I love you.

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  4. It's so beautiful that you share your faith like that. I admire it. I can sort of relate to what you are saying. I had to go through a tough time in my life before I got rid of the 'old' negative me.

    Sometimes it's still a battle to try to keep that girl away. But I plan to keep trying until she's gone completely. Faith is a big help there. :)

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  5. I have no words - but, I think that was gorgeous and thanks for publishing it.

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  6. good, don't let her come back.
    sorry i haven't been commenting, i've been on vacation.
    could you please comment on this post:
    http://thesoapqueen.blogspot.com/2010/06/goodbye.html
    xx,
    ~Abby~

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  7. You wrote this? Wow you are really talented!

    And Hope is one of my favorite poems! I actually made a post about it a few weeks back.

    And I love your blog layout, it's simple and elegant and just a touch girly. Perfect.
    Would you consider trading buttons?

    Actually, I just noticed I can't find one. But I really love the typography piece under your bio. I could turn it into a link for your blog? But only if you're interested :]

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  8. kalie, i had your words bouncing round my head all day.

    I think of these words for an uplifting boost:
    "lets us move with the gifts we were given in grace"

    It turns out johnny flynn is my god substitute, i'm awful right? I wish i was religious, johnny will have to do though. Have you got the sweet william ep? x,x,x

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  9. These words are so beautiful, yet haunting.
    I love this post.



    LOVE!

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  10. beautiful writing, very dark like you said but there's something so intriguing about it...

    xoxo
    Olivia

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  11. we all experience times of darkness--which make this passage so real and relatable. so beautifully done! i loved reading it!

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  12. This is beautiful writing.
    I know I have felt just like this - even lately...
    Again, beautiful. I love it!

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if you want to, you can say a little hello here. i wouldn't mind it at all.

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