may, you seem to be in a hurry.

i fell out of time. the world has been twirling and spinning, and i have just been existing. i am actually not even quite sure how i got to today. it is the sixteenth of may? how and when did it get here, and what have i been doing all this time? i don't know.

i remember it was my birthday. earlier in may. i turned twenty-four. but even that day, though i feel it just happened, still seems so far away, and somewhat like a dream. it was quite a dreamy day, after all.

a midday brunch. wonderful friends. sunshine. the waterfront. pike's place. sweetness and love. all good things. 

and i am thankful for that day. my heart really needed it. i know that i have that to look back on. and really, i think, maybe, that twenty-four will be a big year. i hope it brings learning, and healing, and wisdom, and discovery. and joy. i hope it brings that, too. because i don't have that either, for the time being. it won't be like that forever, my head knows, but right now it is. i have thankfulness, though. i am grateful for many, many things. people and places. a home and loved ones. support and care. others who can see truth and have understanding when i cannot. when i forget. when i no longer trust my own feelings or decisions. distract me and encourage me when all i can do is dwell in my thoughts and grieve what i do not have, and what is missing. and bring me ice cream too, of course.