Wednesday, September 2
learning to deal with being overwhelmed
There is probably not one person who doesn't know what it feels like to be overwhelmed, especially when there are so many avenues to it. Work, school, relationships, fatigue, etc...we can fall prey to the feeling of being overwhelmed at pretty much anytime...if we let it happen. Some circumstances are unavoidable, but sometimes we (and when I say we, I mean "I") let things build up around us until there's no room to breathe and we say, 'oh my gosh, I can't handle this all anymore!!'
I have had my fair share of feeling overwhelmed lately - not necessarily all bad, but just a lot going on. School has just started, and even taking off one semester has left me dawdling along, re-learning how to get back into the swing of things. Most other things going on are emotionally related -- I have been toying with the thought of getting back into YL again for a LONG time now, and it has taken a toll on me, through stress, worry, excitement - an up and down rollercoaster of emotion. Then, I have just been working through some issues, past hurts, lies I believe, and it has been a time of heartache in some ways, as these things usually are. But, suffice it to say, my life - atleast inwardly - has been something close to chaos and half the time I don't even know how I'm really feeling because I am like a crazy-woman almost and my mood swings feel seriously out of control!
What I do know for sure though, and what I am beginning to let myself feel and believe in my heart, is that this is JUST A SEASON. This overwhelming emotional battle is a season in my life and it will pass. Just because yesterday may have been difficult does not mean I do not have a fresh start today, and if today ends up being hard too, it will only give me more insight and I will learn for the next day, and then that day will be a fresh start, too. And God is with me through it all, and He lets these seasons happen for a very important reason, and I know that with Him I will be O.K. I need to stop looking at these overwhelming things as a means of burrying me, but rather as a means of digging me up, digging around me, carving out the dirt in my life, clearing the junk that is strangling me. It seems gross and scary at the time, when you are at that place when you "just can't take it anymore!" It's obviously NOT FUN when you have to deal with certain things, when you have to face pain, or make difficult choices. But if these seasons didn't happen, we would be stuck, we would not move forward, and although blissfully ignorant, we would not know the true JOY of God. When we emerge from trials, we slip from devastation into the wonderful, outstretched arms of Christ and His joy and all He has to offer shine upon our faces and seep into our souls and we are renewed and we KNOW that it is something glorious, because we know what life is like without it.
I can say that I am excited for school, I know I will have to try really hard, but ultimately I am so thankful for this semester. As for YL, I have decided that YES, I do want to lead...although I will be truthful and admit that I am a little nervous, but I can have confidence that if this is where the Lord led me, He will sustain me through. Emotionally...I am still kind of a crazy-woman at times, but I would rather be a crazy-woman being healed by God than a sealed-up, unfeeling, buried girl with no answers.
So really, my aspiration is to ENJOY God, to really seek out all He has to offer, because face it: there is no joy and there is no comfort, and there is no LOVE like His.